"it's a lunatic ninja coming through the window"

Can you imagine this happening in Kanata?

From an article on celestial happenings in the great Kingston Whig-Standard:

"Uranus has an 84-year cycle, so for the rest of your life, the planet will never again be as far away from you as it will be this evening."

It's a good thing that they specified that it is the planet. Otherwise, immature people like myself might think it was funny. Tee-hee.

And it keeps getting weirder...

Turns out the woman who loves boogers so much has quite the history.

Pet cloning service bears five baby Boogers

(Im)Maturity wins the day! I couldn't help but post a link to an article with that kind of by-line.

Hi, my name is Justin.

You may remember me from such blog posts as "No Pants Day - Not just for men anymore" and "Your mother is a snowblower".  I'm just stopping by to wish you a happy "Happiest Day of the Year".

Hopefully, I'll be back soon.  Who knows, maybe we can celebrate this happy day together.  Just not now.

You may or may not know that to go with this randomly-updated blog I have an even-more-randomly-updated photoblog. Not to be confused with my flickr account (who's photos are likely cycling to the right ->), my photoblog allows me to make sure that none of the photos I post truly disappear.

Neither this blog or my photoblog are particularly popular. That's fine, I'm not in it for fame. The photoblog in particular gets very few visits. I have found something peculiar about many of those visits that it does get though. You see, I have a "statcounter" on my blogs so I can find out how many visits there have been while also learning a little more about each visit. One thing that I can find out is what page the visitor came in from. If that was a "search" page like google, I can also see what their search-term was. Well, you could certainly have painted me surprised when I found out the most common search term that was leading people to my photoblog. I was surprised at the frequency combined with the content. Most visits were targeting a specific page (and the photo that was on it). This is where I have to take some responsibility. You see, I thought I was being witty when I named the photo. I thought it was entirely fitting, if a little irreverent. Perhaps I should show you the image that is drawing the attention.

I imagine you're asking yourself what has drawn all these visitors. To be fair, I don't think this is exactly what most visitors had in mind. To those who searched for and found this photo, I hope it provided a smile or maybe even a little laugh.

The name? Syphilis.

Man tells police 'I've been raped by a wombat'

I'm sure glad I read news from around the world. Otherwise I might never have found this.

Two things I learned today.

1) A bear can be convicted of a crime.
2) There is a genre of music known as "turbo-folk".

Who says keeping up with the "News" is a waste?

Understanding my contradictory nature, I lament that people don't care what's going on in the world and then promptly click on the link to get more juicy details on Heath Ledger's will while bypassing the link about multiple suicide-bombings in Lahore.

As if that weren't bad enough, my ongoing concern about the future of our planet has been eclipsed by my disappointment with CBC for the decision to cancel JPod.

In better news, snow pickles have been captured on film.

Uhhh... Somebody left their air conditioner on and their door open. It's -20 degrees celcius outside. That is one mean air conditioner.

Another one for the "Duh!" files

Botox linked to severe side effects, deaths: FDA.

While the most severe cases seem to focus on a less common use of the drug, why should it come as a surprise that a form of the botulism toxin would result in side effects?

Again with the apologies... I find that I can spend ridiculous amounts of time in front of the computer but can't always bring myself to stick around when it comes time to write in here. Maybe it's 'cause it's cold around my computer. Maybe it's 'cause I'm lazy. Meh.

The world presents us with only what we can process. No. The world presents us with everything. We choose what to process and how to process it. Whether we wear rose-coloured glasses or walk a mile in someone elses shoes, how we perceive the world is entirely dependent on our state of mind and the capability of that mind to interpret what it senses. I believe that the world is much more than we perceive in our little human pea-brains. I also think that every once-in-a-while we get a glimpse into a part of the world that we haven't experienced before but are usually so set in our own reality to understand it. It is this belief that brings me to the snow pickle. I mean, what other explanation is there for a pickle, pleasantly iced, presumably crunchy and definitely green, sitting on the sidewalk in the midst of my walk to work? I, for one, believe that Bicks Canada was trying to do us all a service by educating us and sharing with us a different reality through their recent series of ads. I believe that the poor frozen creature that I saw on the sidewalk was a pickle that yearned for freedom, for a life outside of its jar. Success was in its grasp. Its inability to check weather reports and lack of understanding of Canadian winters alas, were its downfall. And so the pickle ended its short life on the sidewalk with its last crunch not being between our teeth, but rather underfoot on a blustery January day.

It didn't need to be that way. The world presented another glimpse into other life. This glimpse leads me to believe that the snow pickle may have had support. You see, I had occasion to witness the common fire hydrant in its natural environment. While ostensibly a tool for our protection, this particular hydrant inadvertently shared a secret. As the light shone with the rising sun, my walk allowed me to witness the hydrant wearing a hat. Knit, and not unlike a toque (commonly worn by Canadian humans in winter - save for those of us too vain to mess up our hair), this hydrant's headgear let me know that it too felt the cold of winter. I realized that it too was in the process of escaping. Unlike its crunchy green friend, the hydrant had a good chance of surviving as it knew the conditions to expect and dressed appropriately. I can only believe that it is far from Kingston now. Perhaps it has joined the ranks of the few, the proud, the train-travelling hobos. It may be far from here now, but I will always remember it, and thank it, for helping me see outside of my life and my experience (and for reminding me that if I don't want to be green and crunchy, I had better not forget my hat).

1/8W+(D-d)3/8xTQMxNA = Blue Monday

You're probably not reading this until at least January 22. If that's the case, start smiling. Why? Because you've made it through the most depressing day of the year. For some (like those with money in stock-related investments) you don't need the calculation above to understand why. But, the equation didn't count on the stock markets. It considers how far after Christmas (and how close to holiday bills coming due) amongst other things.

I knew I felt "off" today. I guess I've got an excuse.

The Snow Pickle is still out there...

Stay tuned for the Snow-Pickle Chronicles. Coming soon.

I have an admission to make about the last post. I do not actually know how long donkeys live. Therefore, I am only guessing at how long three donkeys ages would be. I hope you can forgive me.

Also, for any of you with Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia, you're safe for a while. But if you were a victim of half-Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia you'd have a problem as the last post was my 333rd.

Aren't you glad I've been keeping you in stupid posts since 2006?

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia

Fear of the number 666.

I bet you didn't know that already. I sure didn't.

Here comes the silly

After grapling with whether to be silly or smart in my last post I have returned to my silly ways. Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch gave awards for the most obvious warning labels in their Wacky Warning Label Contest.

This year's winner (on a tractor) "Danger: Avoid Death."

Another winner (on an iron-on transfer for t-shirts) "Do not iron while wearing shirt."

It highlights the stupidity of a legal system that encourages such over-the-top messaging, but it's funny too. :)

How much are your pants worth?

Think the U.S. is too litigious? 'Nuf said.

Not to be forgotten

Unfortunately, I am not being a great global citizen and drawing your attention to the fact that today is Remembrance Day in The Netherlands (though I guess I have done that now). Instead, I am adding to the e-detritus that continues to circle the globe in the "tubes" that make up this, the interweb. It turns out that today is a day that, disappointingly for all around me, I am not adequately celebrating (though it is early yet). Today is: No Pants Day!. Celebrate it as best you can, just remember: "people are encouraged to revel in the absence of pants, and not replace pants with other clothing."

It takes so little. One sunny and warm day in downtown Toronto hanging out with friends suddenly made summer a reality. No longer just an idea, it spurred thoughts of summer plans and holidays and of spending more time with friends. It also me inspired to petition for another day to the weekend. I think "Second Sunday" would be a good addition. Maybe we'd make room for it by getting rid of Monday altogether. I mean, a Tuesday morning meeting is much better than one on Monday. I don't think anyone would miss Monday at all. I certainly wouldn't be posting it's face on milk cartons.